Tuesday, October 26, 2010

The Post of Self Acceptance (Part 1) - Darkness

As i am writing this, I accept that I am unsure whether this is the right thing to do, and if I could spend my time better doing something else.

I accept that physically, I am not as fit as I could be. I accept the fact that I am fat, with a paunch, oversized thighs and buttocks. The fact is that I just feel in a state of comfort going to the gym once in a while, and then stopping when I feel too tired or stressed. I accept that though I know that eating wisely is pivotal in me losing weight, I am unwilling to go through that change as I fear I will not be able to handle it.

I accept that I am disorganised and only respond to events when I absolutely have to. I feel comfortable in my current surroundings and see no need to exert myself in unnecessary fashion. even though I do agree that I need to put in extra effort to be a better clinician, and improve my general quality of life.

I accept that in a social sense, I am desperate. Desperate for more friends, desperate for acceptance....and especially desperate for a relationship with someone extremely attractive that I can flaunt to other people. I accept that I am envious when friends of mine get hitched or married, especially people that I have considered to be inferior to me socially in the past. I accept that I fear that I may end up alone with no companion of my own.

In the same breath, I accept that I have addictions and desires that sometimes overpower me. As much as I would want to deny them, they are a part of me, and subconsciously, I do not want them to go.

I accept that I am a pessimist and have low self-esteem.

I accept that someone, somewhere might be reading this and thinking, "What a sad life this person has." Well you may be right. Then again, the definitive word is "may".

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