Well this is my latest post. It probably sounds more like a rant, but here goes
I really feel like the Man up there really wants to mess up my life.
All my life, I have been challenged in all areas. There are many examples, such as my dysfunctional family, my lack of dexerity, my personal demons, my lack of communcation skills, and the list could go on.
In everything I have ever aspired to be in or wanted to do, I have always run into plenty of obstacles and insurmountable odds. I would survive and overcome those obstacles, only to run into many more. Ultimately, these obstacles will eventually overwhelm me.
I only fancy women that I have absolutely no chance of getting, and only attract those of which I have no interest in whatsoever.
Every single time I have plans for myself, they are ruined due to some sort of an emergency.
The end result? A lonely, bitter and resentful man, and that is me.
I really think that I have been abandoned. Honestly, if the Bible is right, I am created to serve His purpose, and ultimately I will fulfil it. Maybe I am fulfilling it right now, but I will probably be sacrificed in the process. That's right, I said it correctly, I am probably His sacrificial lamb, the one who will probably influence others to salvation. However, unlike His precious son, I am going to Hell.
There, I have said what I wanted to say.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Mid-term Review
Its that time of the year again where one looks at his progress in the middle of the year. Where I am concerned, several key events have occurred, not all for the best.
For one thing, I have finally left the sanctuary of the hospital which has been my second home for nearly 2 years. I left knowing that I have gained much valuable experience from working with some of the very best doctors in Singapore. In my new working environment, things are very different. It is going to take some time for me to adjust to these new surroundings. One thing is for sure though, the place I work in is very, very far away for home.
On another note, my younger brother has finally left home to do National service. He has been more than a brother to me, and I have been surprised as to how mature he has become compared to people of similar age. I have no doubt that he will excel in the Army, yeah I do feel a sense of loss that I will not be able to communicate with him as much now.
What has not changed? On the social and physical front, I feel that I am at a quandary. I have several people that I fancy, yet I lack the finesse to approach them to advance my friendship. For all the time that I have spent in the company of the opposite sex, I still feel extremely awkward when it comes to making moves to know someone better. Everytime when I see someone I know get married and hitched, I can't help but feel a tinge of jealousy knowing that I am way behind on this front, as well as a sense of frustration and desperation. I always seem to have the impression that the more I want this, the more elusive it becomes. That feeling well and truly sucks. On the physical front, I have not made any progress on improving my fitness whatsoever. I really can't seem to find the motivation for it.
I need a paradigm shift in my approach to life I suppose. However I just do not know how. Maybe if I were a more devout Christian it would have helped, but I don't see myself being that type of person anytime soon.
I wish for a fresh perspective in life.
For one thing, I have finally left the sanctuary of the hospital which has been my second home for nearly 2 years. I left knowing that I have gained much valuable experience from working with some of the very best doctors in Singapore. In my new working environment, things are very different. It is going to take some time for me to adjust to these new surroundings. One thing is for sure though, the place I work in is very, very far away for home.
On another note, my younger brother has finally left home to do National service. He has been more than a brother to me, and I have been surprised as to how mature he has become compared to people of similar age. I have no doubt that he will excel in the Army, yeah I do feel a sense of loss that I will not be able to communicate with him as much now.
What has not changed? On the social and physical front, I feel that I am at a quandary. I have several people that I fancy, yet I lack the finesse to approach them to advance my friendship. For all the time that I have spent in the company of the opposite sex, I still feel extremely awkward when it comes to making moves to know someone better. Everytime when I see someone I know get married and hitched, I can't help but feel a tinge of jealousy knowing that I am way behind on this front, as well as a sense of frustration and desperation. I always seem to have the impression that the more I want this, the more elusive it becomes. That feeling well and truly sucks. On the physical front, I have not made any progress on improving my fitness whatsoever. I really can't seem to find the motivation for it.
I need a paradigm shift in my approach to life I suppose. However I just do not know how. Maybe if I were a more devout Christian it would have helped, but I don't see myself being that type of person anytime soon.
I wish for a fresh perspective in life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)