When did I last post? Last year? It says so on the date
What has changed since then?
Hmm... I am working now, that's different
On other things....
1) I am still single
2) My family is still dysfunctional
3) I still succumb to my addictions
4) I still failed my IPPT
5) My religious life is still a mess (probably worse than what it once was)
6) I am still a petty person
So in short, there really isn't that much difference between then and now
Apart from the fact that I am working that is. And about that...
Well suffice to say that it has been far tougher than I could have ever imagined. My mother told me it would be a culture shock, and it definitely has been. I have lost count of the many times I have been scolded, ridiculed, laughed at, swore upon and the list goes on. Many days I have stayed beyond office hours trying to clear a pile of work that never seems to shrink and only grows with time. Whatever social life I once had (and believe me, I didn't have a lot)has all but disappeared, and my love life...well what love life? All i see is my friends around me getting married, while I don't even have a close female friend with me, let alone partner.
Am i whining? Of course I am. Am i being bitter? Definitely. Am I feeling sorry for myself? Without a shadow of a doubt. I ask myself, will this cycle ever end? Will things ever get better? So far they have only seemed to get worse.
And then I realise, the world does not play along with my rules, it plays along with God's rules. Like it or not, everything is playing out the way He wants it to be. And if it turns out bad for me, there is not a thing I can do to change it.
You ask, where is your faith in Him? Where is this faith in God that is supposed to be unshakeable? I answer, I might have never had it. Probably once, but definitely not now.
And so to come to the end of this post, what has changed since work began? Nothing, save for broken limbs, broken hearts and a broken spirit.
