Oh well, I must seriously say that I am posting this time around as I have nothing better to do really. Yeah apart from studying of course...but I guess I am getting really sick of doing that. I mean, day after day of staring at thick textbooks which have obscure jargon and bizarre concepts...that's enough to drive mere mortals like me mad.
Life in school has become somewhat of a monotone for me: coming to school, attending lectures, looking at people whom I want to talk to but can't, studying in the library, going home...its all become that same routine everyday. Gone were the days where I would have frequent outings and all that stuff. It seems that the world has moved without me...or at least, that's what I think it has. The friends of yesterday are no longer the close friends of today. Sure there is the customary wave and smile of acknowledgement and maybe even a few jokes, but the closeness has disappeared. And quite honestly, there are times in which I think to myself whether I am the problem. Maybe I don't have something that others have that makes them desired in the clique. I am probably just the butt of everyone's jokes...no one seems to really care a damn about me then, except look at me and think that I am able to handle everything.
I really hate putting on this facade in which I just laugh at people's jibes about me, just to gain acceptance. There are times I really wish that I could let it out and voice my displeasure, but I just can't for fear of hurting others. The only outlet of my frustration is through my training, but even that has its limits. Deep inside, I feel lonely and wish that a close friend would share my troubles, but it seems as though there are none to speak of, none that I can fully trust to share the most private of secrets.
What must I do then? I do not know, apart from the fact that I have to accept things as they are and continue on....that's why I continue my journey in soltitude, oblivious to the transient warmth of friendship.
