End of the year....

Well, it has been a long time since I last posted isn't it? Many things have happened since then, triumphs and disappointments both included. I am now at the tail end of 2006, and I must say that I feel unfulfilled as to what I have achieved this year. It started off with so many aspirations, however many of these aspirations still remain just that, dreams without reality.

Compared to previous years, I seem to have lost a bit of the drive that kept me going in my first 2 years. I don't know why...it seems as though the fire that burnt so strongly at the start is beginning to wane due to lack of fuel. Probably it was all the studying I did in the first part of the year, or probably it was due to clinical postings, which I felt drained me quite a bit. Whatever it was, it affected my enthusiasm and my energy levels, and hence I found myself losing the motivation and focus to learn more, which I believe cost me in my end of posting test which I ended up failing. I also stopped going to Muay Thai in that period, and now I am stuck with a paunch which I detest but seem unable to find the energy to something about...or so I lead myself to believe.

I can honestly say that I have reached a low point in my life that needs some reinvention and an infusion of new energy. Somehow, my brain seems to know the answer...plan out how to improve your life, and the improvements will come...but somehow I lack the motivation to do that. I look at what others can achieve and know that I can match those achievements, however I need that spark, that motivation, and that impetus in order to do so, and I am still trying to find it.

The funny thing is that people actually look up to me for inspiration, even at this point in time others are still giving me compliments for what I do. Is this where my spark should come from? Honestly, I do not know.

Anyway, now the priority will be to tie up loose ends and plan for the new year, which should promise new challenges ahead. After that, we'll see.

Its all in the mind...

Heh, its been a while since I last posted. Many things have happened since my last post. I have finished my surgery posting and am now into my medicine posting at Alexandra hospital. Along the way, I have learned many things, both by observation and practice(more by observation though, lol). I also learned a lot of truths about myself and my clinical group mates. Sometimes things are just not what they seem....

I have realised that in a lot of situations, I am always affected by the events happening around me. While that means I am aware of my surroundings, more often than not it has created a sense of apprehension and indecisiveness in me. For instance when I wanted to speak to certain patients, their gaze or tone often affected my final decision, and thus resulted in me not taking that crucial step forward. I often found myself seeking approval from others in decisions, and felt that others opinions weighed more heavily than mine.

Maybe I should trust my gut feel more... sometimes it is important to have faith in yourself that the decision you make is the right one no matter what the opinions of others are. Be it to present a case, to talk to someone, or to arrange an event, I should learn to trust my instincts more. Its all in the mind, after all.

2006 has come!

Haha a new year has come at last...and with it starts a fresh chapter in my life...Ok...maybe not that fresh...It is still the same old exams, same old library and same old faculty...but still, there are still new things to anticipate and look forward to. For instance, Chinese New Year, the time to get an extra more bucks of undeserved income, and many more days of fun to come(ok, now I am becoming to sound a bit overly optimistic)

Looking back at the previous year, I realised that I have gone through quite a lot of new experiences, some good, some bad, but all with each individual life lesson for me. I have learnt that it could be a good thing to let go of certain things, and take up fresh challenges which I wouldn't have previously. Overall, I think I have emerged a more mature person out of all of I have been through.

But there is always room for improvement, and I surely hope that I can learn more things this upcoming year. For instance, my clinicals are coming, and it is with great anticipation that I await that moment,since I have always believed that practical skills were my Achilles heel, yet I am still excited over the opportunity to put what I have learnt into practice and take my first BIG steps to being a fully fledged doctor. Also, I hope to make more friends this year, given the fact that I have realised that my circle of friends could do with a bit more expanding, and knowing more people is always a good thing, not a bad one.Finally, I have set myself some physical goals...such as wanting to run in the Standard Chartered Marathon...something which I have never ever contemplated before..It sure is a good target to aim for

One only lives once, so one should treasure every moment he gets to enjoy life...hopefully I can make this mantra more evident this year and not sound so despondent as I have been in previous posts