Its that time again for blogging. It has become pretty therapeutic over the past month, especially given the conflicting emotions in my head at times. Blogging helps to crystallise my thoughts and gives me insight into my inner psyche. Many times, when I look back at my previous posts, I can accurately observe the emotions that were running through me at that particular point in time. Some were positive, and some were definitely negative. All in all, this has helped me learn more about myself, and provides me with valuable feedback for improvement.
Now I am doing RT again, albeit reluctantly. It does sting a bit knowing that the fact I am coming back to RT indicates that I have not been fit enough for the past year. In itself though, it is a form of physical training, and I am grateful for that. It would be best of course, if I moved on with this phase of my life and used my time for other ventures.
Work has settled down somewhat, and I am grateful for the helpful colleagues I have encountered along the way. There are some grouses of course, but overall it has been a valuable learning experience thus far. I am planning to take my MRCP Part 1 of course, and I know that it will require dedication and commitment to pass. These qualities are qualities I do have, but have allowed to lay dormant for a while. It is probably time to reawaken them now. The process will have to take time though, so it is best to do it early.
And then there is that search for a soulmate. After giving it serious thought, I have decided to leave in God's hands. There is no point worrying about events that are yet to materialise, and agonise over questions where the answers are yet to be revealed. I must admit that emotionally it is tough for me to leave it to God, as it means giving up some control of my life. However I have realised that only He has true wisdom, and He will make the best choice for me. It is a leap of faith, something that I am not used to taking. However, given the current circumstances, it is the best course of action I can take. I believe that the day is coming soon though, and so I am optimistic.
That is all I can think for now...here's to the end of June and looking forward to a successful July!
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Tuesday, June 08, 2010
That agonizing feeling
What is that feeling when you are attracted to someone, but just lack the courage to turn thought into action?
It is agonizing to say the least. Every minute feels like an hour, every day feels like a year. You imagine scenarios where you succeed, and envisage nightmares where you fail. And every day, the thought eats at you, encouraging you to take the next step, yet recoiling in horror when you get closer to achieving that objective.
Every day, you tell yourself to concentrate on other matters, however that person's image appears again and again in your head. And by cruel coincidence, you keep having chance meetings with that person at every corner. However, once you feel more confident and think that this is THE opportunity, the person is nowhere to be seen.
Such is the feeling I feel at present. Of course, logic will tell you that if you think too much of one person, it borders on obsession. It probably also means that more often than not, that person is not the right one for you.
Then again, sometimes emotion just overwhelms pure logic.
Oh the agony!
It is agonizing to say the least. Every minute feels like an hour, every day feels like a year. You imagine scenarios where you succeed, and envisage nightmares where you fail. And every day, the thought eats at you, encouraging you to take the next step, yet recoiling in horror when you get closer to achieving that objective.
Every day, you tell yourself to concentrate on other matters, however that person's image appears again and again in your head. And by cruel coincidence, you keep having chance meetings with that person at every corner. However, once you feel more confident and think that this is THE opportunity, the person is nowhere to be seen.
Such is the feeling I feel at present. Of course, logic will tell you that if you think too much of one person, it borders on obsession. It probably also means that more often than not, that person is not the right one for you.
Then again, sometimes emotion just overwhelms pure logic.
Oh the agony!
Saturday, June 05, 2010
Weekend off
I am now blogging with alarming regularity it seems, that is now 2 times in a week that I have posted an entry. I suppose it is probably out of boredom that I am doing so. Or maybe it is an avenue to air the jumbled thoughts in my head and put it into words
Suffice to say that I kind of enjoy my MO posting at the moment. There are many new procedures to do and new things to learn. In addition, I have been blessed with capable colleagues so far. It is a drastic change from the dark days of my surgical postings, where I was a one man show. Besides, the scenery is much improved now with our junior batch around. It feels strange to be senior though, as I am too used to doing the menial work. However, I do relish the challenge of utillising my new found responsibilities of delegation and patient ownership.
Focusing on the other aspects of my life has been a challenge to say the least. Even more so because I am a procrastinator. It is hard for me to sustain new ventures simply because I am too used to being comfortable. Taking the plunge is not something i am accustomed to.
Physically, I want to lose weight, for my own general well being. I feel that for too long I have been compromising myself, and I want this cycle to stop. It will taken a Herculean effort for sure, and an even stronger will, however I wish to do all I can to end this cycle of decadence
Socially, I can't say for sure. Of course life would be more colourful if I had someone special in my life, however I cannot stay here and bemoan my loneliness, tempting as it may. Life is made up of too many facets, and is too short for me to wallow in such misery. Besides, I am 26 and not 45. Many years and many opportunities await. There are people who have caught my eye, however I want to know them better before making a decision. If all else fails, I know that I still have a life, and being alone won't change that.
Mentally, I want to work of motivating myself more to break out of the glass ceiling that I have created. All the negative thoughts, all the disappointments, all the criticism....has led me to this state because I allowed them to do so. That will have to change for sure, as without a strong mind, all ventures are doomed to failure.
Overall though, I will be satisfied with what I have right now. A stable job, a family and a few friends. Most of all, I probably, however undeservingly, have God by my side.
Suffice to say that I kind of enjoy my MO posting at the moment. There are many new procedures to do and new things to learn. In addition, I have been blessed with capable colleagues so far. It is a drastic change from the dark days of my surgical postings, where I was a one man show. Besides, the scenery is much improved now with our junior batch around. It feels strange to be senior though, as I am too used to doing the menial work. However, I do relish the challenge of utillising my new found responsibilities of delegation and patient ownership.
Focusing on the other aspects of my life has been a challenge to say the least. Even more so because I am a procrastinator. It is hard for me to sustain new ventures simply because I am too used to being comfortable. Taking the plunge is not something i am accustomed to.
Physically, I want to lose weight, for my own general well being. I feel that for too long I have been compromising myself, and I want this cycle to stop. It will taken a Herculean effort for sure, and an even stronger will, however I wish to do all I can to end this cycle of decadence
Socially, I can't say for sure. Of course life would be more colourful if I had someone special in my life, however I cannot stay here and bemoan my loneliness, tempting as it may. Life is made up of too many facets, and is too short for me to wallow in such misery. Besides, I am 26 and not 45. Many years and many opportunities await. There are people who have caught my eye, however I want to know them better before making a decision. If all else fails, I know that I still have a life, and being alone won't change that.
Mentally, I want to work of motivating myself more to break out of the glass ceiling that I have created. All the negative thoughts, all the disappointments, all the criticism....has led me to this state because I allowed them to do so. That will have to change for sure, as without a strong mind, all ventures are doomed to failure.
Overall though, I will be satisfied with what I have right now. A stable job, a family and a few friends. Most of all, I probably, however undeservingly, have God by my side.
Thursday, June 03, 2010
Attractions
What are the attractions of my life at present?
Work - Definitely some cute things around, one especially exotic. Hopefully there can be progress made, however at the moment appreciation will have to come from a distance.
Overseas - Some potential to be found there surely through overseas ventures, especially those whose foundation is based on local connections
Guarded prognosis though.
Casual - Currently involved in an active programme, initial investments made with minor returns so far. However it is a promising start nonetheless.
So far the attractions in my life are plentiful, yet it remains to be seen whether any possible bonds can be made. Decisive measures will have to be taken.
Work - Definitely some cute things around, one especially exotic. Hopefully there can be progress made, however at the moment appreciation will have to come from a distance.
Overseas - Some potential to be found there surely through overseas ventures, especially those whose foundation is based on local connections
Guarded prognosis though.
Casual - Currently involved in an active programme, initial investments made with minor returns so far. However it is a promising start nonetheless.
So far the attractions in my life are plentiful, yet it remains to be seen whether any possible bonds can be made. Decisive measures will have to be taken.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)