Once again I am posting...wow seems like I am developing a pattern here...
Today I had to make an important decision, a decision which could have implications on my future career.
I have had this long standing mental issue, which I have wrestled with since I was 12. For many years, I thought I could handle it on my own. Year after year I tried to fight the problem with my own means, thinking it was just part of growing up, and it would eventually disappear on its own. However, rather than going away, the problem just got worse. Slowly it eroded into my psyche, into my self confidence. Outwardly I was normal, but inwardly I felt embarrassed, even frightened. I thought I was going mad. I thought there was another person inside me, driving me to imagine things that I was disgusted with. It was only when I actually turned 21 that I realised that the problem was never going to go away, and I needed help. However, it was only till last year that I mustered the courage to go and see a psychiatrist.
The psychiatrist gave me the insight into my problem that I had been searching for, and reassured me that I would be able to overcome it. Even though I still struggle with the problem, I know that I have made progress. I know that it is through God alone that I will be free.
I still fear though, that this problem may still linger on. I still fear the fact that I will have to tell some people about this issue, people whom I don't even know. My employment form has stated that I reveal whether I have seen a shrink in the past, and asks for details as well. I have decided to tell the truth, and will ask the psychiatrist to provide me with a referral. However, the question still remains...how many people need to know?
The Bible itself says that what one sows, one shall reap. I know that my decision to tell the truth is the right one, for I would rather be labelled as a weird person, rather than as a weirdo and a liar. Even so, I can't control the consequences, and I will just have to trust God on this one.
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