Oh well, I must seriously say that I am posting this time around as I have nothing better to do really. Yeah apart from studying of course...but I guess I am getting really sick of doing that. I mean, day after day of staring at thick textbooks which have obscure jargon and bizarre concepts...that's enough to drive mere mortals like me mad.
Life in school has become somewhat of a monotone for me: coming to school, attending lectures, looking at people whom I want to talk to but can't, studying in the library, going home...its all become that same routine everyday. Gone were the days where I would have frequent outings and all that stuff. It seems that the world has moved without me...or at least, that's what I think it has. The friends of yesterday are no longer the close friends of today. Sure there is the customary wave and smile of acknowledgement and maybe even a few jokes, but the closeness has disappeared. And quite honestly, there are times in which I think to myself whether I am the problem. Maybe I don't have something that others have that makes them desired in the clique. I am probably just the butt of everyone's jokes...no one seems to really care a damn about me then, except look at me and think that I am able to handle everything.
I really hate putting on this facade in which I just laugh at people's jibes about me, just to gain acceptance. There are times I really wish that I could let it out and voice my displeasure, but I just can't for fear of hurting others. The only outlet of my frustration is through my training, but even that has its limits. Deep inside, I feel lonely and wish that a close friend would share my troubles, but it seems as though there are none to speak of, none that I can fully trust to share the most private of secrets.
What must I do then? I do not know, apart from the fact that I have to accept things as they are and continue on....that's why I continue my journey in soltitude, oblivious to the transient warmth of friendship.
1 comment:
Okay, that last comment was a little scary.
Anyway, you're not schooling now, are you Victor? Isn't it the holidays?
Sorry to hear you're not making friends so well in school. It doesn't get better when you start out work - everyone's busy trying to establish their career and what time is left is spent on girlfriends, then relatives.
Why do people jibe about you in the first place? Friendly jests are one thing, but from your reaction I get the impression people are being downright offensive.
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