Parallel Universes

Hello there, this is me again posting about my wonderful life. As I look at my proud black tag, gained from my first try in MRCP PACES and certifying my status as a Registrar in Gastroenterology, I think that life could not be any better Physically, I feel at my peak. I have trained in Muay Thai extensively, and I can safely say that I am at the standard to fight. Not just fight comeptitively, but fight competitively and win convincingly. IPPT Gold is something that is expected with my physical standard, and is something that I am glad to say I achieve every year. My body weight is ideal and and physique is well earned. Honestly there have been offers from my department to take part in pageant competitions, but I have declined as I feel there is no need to hog the spotlight at all times Besides, there is no need to put myself in the shop window, not when my girlfriend is THE most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Her sharp wit, long silky curls, and mesemerising gaze are more than enough for me. Not to mention her killer physique, which really turns me on. To have her around as my future wife is really a blessing sent by God Relations with my family are at an all time high, with my father appreciative of the people around him and finding great purpose in life in his retirement years. His relationship with my mother has stood the test of time, and they have shown me what it means to have a blissful relationship. Of course, my bonds with my brothers are as strong as they have ever been, with a mutual admiration of each other's achievements. My brother's wife is expecting as well, so we are due another family member too. In my occupation, I feel contented in the pursuit of excellence in my profession, for the improvement of care of my patients. I feel blessed to have been in the company of so many able mentors who have provided me guidance in my career. As I finish this post, I look down at the car keys that prove my ownership of my very own Aventador Lamborghini. And then I think, all this has been made possible by God's hand, and that I am fortunate to have His blessing Thank you all. Victor Lee (SIXTH AVENUE)

Chasing Cars

It sure has been a while since my last post. During that time, many things have happened indeed. Most notably, I attempted to scale Mount Kilimanjaro, a task which required every ounce of my mental strength and energy to survive, never mind complete. Unfortunately, I fell short of achieving my goals, but still it was one experience I will never forget. In the same vein, that experience made me realise how mortal I was, and what my limits were. Indeed, I encountered scenarios that I had never faced before, scenarios that actually put my life on the line. It made me realise how dependent was I on the support of others to endure and survive. I also gained a respect for the fortitude of others who were deceptively stronger than they appeared to be. Truly, my eyes were opened in this trip Suffice to say I have made many friends during this trip, friends I hope to keep in touch with. Then of course, comes the inevitable tinge of longing for a particular person on the trip Well they say that dating a colleague is always a bad idea, and I tend to agree with the majority. However the problem is when the feelings come, they flow like a river. Try as I can, I cannot avoid, nor can I deny them. The problem is that I do not know what to do with these emotions. Act on them and I risk getting wounded again. Deny them and the cycle of self soltitude continues Its ironic that I long so much for a relationship, yet I back down when the opportunity presents itself. This is when I envy those who can just risk it all and go for broke, for I am not that person. I am naturally cautious, and averse to risk. That's why its so tough just to go to work and see the same person again, for it always triggers that same conflict in my mind There is but 1 week left before I stop seeing this person regularly, but I know not whether it is a blessing, or a curse. It has been a long while since I felt this way, a really long while. I just hope that if the 2 of us are meant to be, things will work out naturally.

Getting something off my chest

Well this is my latest post. It probably sounds more like a rant, but here goes

I really feel like the Man up there really wants to mess up my life.

All my life, I have been challenged in all areas. There are many examples, such as my dysfunctional family, my lack of dexerity, my personal demons, my lack of communcation skills, and the list could go on.

In everything I have ever aspired to be in or wanted to do, I have always run into plenty of obstacles and insurmountable odds. I would survive and overcome those obstacles, only to run into many more. Ultimately, these obstacles will eventually overwhelm me.

I only fancy women that I have absolutely no chance of getting, and only attract those of which I have no interest in whatsoever.

Every single time I have plans for myself, they are ruined due to some sort of an emergency.

The end result? A lonely, bitter and resentful man, and that is me.

I really think that I have been abandoned. Honestly, if the Bible is right, I am created to serve His purpose, and ultimately I will fulfil it. Maybe I am fulfilling it right now, but I will probably be sacrificed in the process. That's right, I said it correctly, I am probably His sacrificial lamb, the one who will probably influence others to salvation. However, unlike His precious son, I am going to Hell.

There, I have said what I wanted to say.

Mid-term Review

Its that time of the year again where one looks at his progress in the middle of the year. Where I am concerned, several key events have occurred, not all for the best.

For one thing, I have finally left the sanctuary of the hospital which has been my second home for nearly 2 years. I left knowing that I have gained much valuable experience from working with some of the very best doctors in Singapore. In my new working environment, things are very different. It is going to take some time for me to adjust to these new surroundings. One thing is for sure though, the place I work in is very, very far away for home.

On another note, my younger brother has finally left home to do National service. He has been more than a brother to me, and I have been surprised as to how mature he has become compared to people of similar age. I have no doubt that he will excel in the Army, yeah I do feel a sense of loss that I will not be able to communicate with him as much now.

What has not changed? On the social and physical front, I feel that I am at a quandary. I have several people that I fancy, yet I lack the finesse to approach them to advance my friendship. For all the time that I have spent in the company of the opposite sex, I still feel extremely awkward when it comes to making moves to know someone better. Everytime when I see someone I know get married and hitched, I can't help but feel a tinge of jealousy knowing that I am way behind on this front, as well as a sense of frustration and desperation. I always seem to have the impression that the more I want this, the more elusive it becomes. That feeling well and truly sucks. On the physical front, I have not made any progress on improving my fitness whatsoever. I really can't seem to find the motivation for it.

I need a paradigm shift in my approach to life I suppose. However I just do not know how. Maybe if I were a more devout Christian it would have helped, but I don't see myself being that type of person anytime soon.

I wish for a fresh perspective in life.

New Year Resolutions

1) To Live life to the fullest, regardless of circumstances
2) To have a healthy lifestyle and an ideal body weight
3) To take a worthwhile vacation
4) To gain valuable work experience and a definite career goal
5) To get a car (Yeah, its about time)
6) To get my ideal soulmate - with luck, it is who I am thinking of right now
7) To finally follow a religion that touches my heart
8) To sort out the flaws in my character
9) To learn my martial arts again
10)To learn how to receive gracefully and how to give back

Wish my luck in this endeavour of mine.
And well, thank you 2010 for everything!

2011 approaches

Yet another year passes by, and I look back at what has happened in my life for the past year. Truth be told, it has been alright. I managed to get into a good medical posting to start my career as a medical officer, and I must say I have learned many new things and acquired a quiet confidence in doing my job. My current posting is tougher, but no less enriching in terms of experience

Of course there are still areas for improvement. There is room for improvement in all aspects of my life, but surely the ones that take my focus are my physical health, and my social life. I resolve to improve my physical well being and make some gains to becoming a healthier person, because this body is mine, and I have a responsibility to take good care of it. I am a person with needs, and it is time I started taking steps to meeting those needs.

The reality is that I am still on a lifelong journey in learning about myself, and the learning will ever end. There have been disappointments definitely, however there have been triumphs as well. All of them have taught me valuable lessons that I will do well to keep in mind.

As for what I can do in 2011, well the answer is: Pretty much anything I set my mind to doing

So bring on the new year!
And thank you to the year 2010.

P.S. Well let's just say that hopefully when this time of year comes again in 2011, I will not be single anymore...

The Post of Self Acceptance (Part 1) - Darkness

As i am writing this, I accept that I am unsure whether this is the right thing to do, and if I could spend my time better doing something else.

I accept that physically, I am not as fit as I could be. I accept the fact that I am fat, with a paunch, oversized thighs and buttocks. The fact is that I just feel in a state of comfort going to the gym once in a while, and then stopping when I feel too tired or stressed. I accept that though I know that eating wisely is pivotal in me losing weight, I am unwilling to go through that change as I fear I will not be able to handle it.

I accept that I am disorganised and only respond to events when I absolutely have to. I feel comfortable in my current surroundings and see no need to exert myself in unnecessary fashion. even though I do agree that I need to put in extra effort to be a better clinician, and improve my general quality of life.

I accept that in a social sense, I am desperate. Desperate for more friends, desperate for acceptance....and especially desperate for a relationship with someone extremely attractive that I can flaunt to other people. I accept that I am envious when friends of mine get hitched or married, especially people that I have considered to be inferior to me socially in the past. I accept that I fear that I may end up alone with no companion of my own.

In the same breath, I accept that I have addictions and desires that sometimes overpower me. As much as I would want to deny them, they are a part of me, and subconsciously, I do not want them to go.

I accept that I am a pessimist and have low self-esteem.

I accept that someone, somewhere might be reading this and thinking, "What a sad life this person has." Well you may be right. Then again, the definitive word is "may".